I couldn’t get my mind off of this one question and thought throughout the entirety of chapel last night. It just kept sticking with me. I know that God was telling and teaching me something with this, and I knew I had to write about it and share my thoughts. I couldn’t get the picture of me staring at the back of the cross not being able to walk around and look Jesus in the eyes and see what I had been doing and forgive myself for it. I sat in the cushioned seat in chapel and kept seeing Jesus die in front of me, but me not having the courage to walk around and see Him in front of me, and instead I turned around and walked away, going down the same path I had been walking, a path that was not paved by God Himself.
Why do we find ourselves in this position so much? We cause damage to our spirit, we cause damage to ourselves, we cause damage to Christ, and yet, we can’t bear to see the damage we are doing so we just keep doing it and shrug it off our shoulders and say “next time, next time I’ll be better.”
We consistently stare at the back of the cross, the clean side, the side untouched by the perfect blood of the Lamb, and we can’t bear to walk around and see our King, damaged by the sins we have committed that He has taken care of for us already. It’s so difficult for us to walk around and see Christ nailed to the cross because we do not want to face what we have done, the brokenness that we caused by being sinners (which there is no escape from). We should not be ashamed of the sins we commit, but learn from them. Make sure that we learn and do not fall again, but if we keep walking the path we go down, we will continue to commit crimes against our Lord. Until we learn to do that, until we learn to accept what we have done and learn from it, and look Christ in the eyes and accept His forgiveness, we will get nowhere on our own.
It shouldn’t be hard for us to admit to God the sins we have committed and ask for forgiveness. He wants us to, it’s why He sacrificed His Son for us, so we could be cleansed by His blood and have a future of perfection with Him in Heaven. We need to learn to take our faults straight to Him, to walk around the cross and look Him in the eyes as we bow at His feet above us. We need to see the damage we have caused as sinners, and watch as the blood flows and cleanses us of our sins and makes us whole with Him again.
I’m sick of looking at the back of the cross, turning around, and walking with the devil on my shoulder. I’m done being ignorant to the One who made me a priority. I can’t live my life staring at the back of Christ as He shouts my name from the cross. I’m done not hearing His voice scream my name to the crowds of Roman soldiers in front of Him as I turn and walk away. He’s calling me more than ever now, and I’m shrugging the devil off my shoulder and walking around to face Him as He died for me. There is no greater love than that, than the love He shows for me and you. I’m laying my life at his feet so that when He rises again He can come to me and lift me back up and say to me “Well done, my son.” It’s time to find out who I am, it’s time to find out who He wants me to be. And the only way I can do that is by facing Him head on and chasing after Him, looking Him in the eyes and asking for more. More grace, more love, more blessings.
I know I’m ready to grow and face my demons as I face the Creator who made it possible to conquer them.
The question I have for you is, are you? Take the few steps it takes to walk around the cross and stand with the Roman centurions and watch as your sins die with the One who sacrificed His life to take them with Him. Because when He went to heaven and left earth for three days, our sins went with Him, but they left for eternity, never to be seen or remembered again. God doesn’t remember them, so why do we dwell on them? It’s time for action.
James 4:7-8 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
1 Peter 4:15- “Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is one with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly live for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do… They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready too judge the living and the dead.”